Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
