She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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