Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
