Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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