Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
