The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
