Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
