Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
how drunk are you?
Several
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
