We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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