you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
