Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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