im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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