now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
