where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
