When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
