I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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