It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
