How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
