I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
