Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Life without a bra equals bliss.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
