yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
