all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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