saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
