Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
