You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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