what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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