On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My pussy is not your playground.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
