Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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