Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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