come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
