Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your penis caused this!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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