I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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