if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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