My pussy is not your playground.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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