remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
