if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
