i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
