And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I did not marry a roomba.
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