My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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