I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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