I faked an abortion last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
