He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
