I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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