dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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