Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
