party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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