I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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