i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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