So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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