What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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