she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
