eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
