I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
