Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
