You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
