Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
