i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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