Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize