dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
