Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
