Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
