Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
