a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
...so i touched it.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
