Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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