An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
