she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
