You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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