i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
