that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
