You made me cry and you don't even care
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Semen is not good for contacts.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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